I would have to say that I would prefer to see a bit of tweaking, nothing major in terms of the orientation, but I wouldn't be able to say wholeheartedly “passed as worded”. I think my main comments have to do with the issue around withdrawal. It says only at the point at which the material has been designated for...and I would suggest that it be a later period in the process for the withdrawal.
I would also like some clarity around whether or not one can be asked to provide a consent for the use of fresh embryos.